Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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