i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
