the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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