I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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