She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
