"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
