I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
