I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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