Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
