the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
