the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
