so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
