already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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