Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
