i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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