i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
