You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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