Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
