Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
