do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
