I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
