just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
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Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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