you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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