drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
