my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
