your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
