All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
