First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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