There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize