Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
