If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i walk over a car last night?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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