so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
