Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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