Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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