did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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