just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
