Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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