Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
