Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
