You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
