as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
