she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
