Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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