Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
