I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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