She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
