Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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