oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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