Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
