Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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