How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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