Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
should my penis look like a turkey
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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