I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
