Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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