Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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