I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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