When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
