Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
