I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
