Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
