He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
