Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I have tasted many bathrooms
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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