She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
