Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This is the high leading the old right now
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
