So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
