We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
