he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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