Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
