I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Pants are for mortals
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
