My first STD was from a foam party
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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