Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
