I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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