True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he shaved USA in his pubs
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
