any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
