i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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