I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
