can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
