I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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