I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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